Ubiquitous
2016-06-27 20:30:00 UTC
Forgive me. Nothing that ever happened here was funny.
Vicki comes to the Old House looking for David; its after dark and
hes probably run straight to the haunted house. Someone comes down the
stairs, and shes relieved when she sees that its Barnabas she
thought it might be someone _dangerous_.
After an awkward silence, Barnabas gestures upstairs, and says, I was
revisiting my ancestral past. Naturally, Vicki doesnt say anything.
How do you respond when someone tells you that hes revisiting his
ancestral past?
Now, Ive mentioned before that Jonathan Frid was notorious for
forgetting his lines and this was on Dark Shadows, where he had a lot
of competition in that area. Frid was used to memorizing long speeches
this is a guy whos played Macbeth and Richard III. But now hes
learning three half-hour scripts a week, and the writers, with a burst
of optimism, have written Barnabas as a haunted soul, with endless
monologues about history and eternal life.
It doesnt go that well. This is the episode where you start to see
why.
Vicki is impressed by how much Barnabas knows about the Old House, even
though hes never been here before. This house must have been beautiful
once, but now its all falling apart.
He smiles cryptically, and says, Itll be a long time before this
house falls apart. It was made to last forever. Vicki says that
nothing lasts forever, but Barnabas reminds her of the pyramids of
Egypt. They start splitting hairs about the difference between
forever and indefinitely.
Theyre talking about more than just architecture. But not much more.
Once Barnabas gets rolling, you cant stop him. Here we go.
The design and construction of this house represented a
marriage of the elegance of Europe, and the vigor and
enterprise of a new world. The foundations were made from
rocks left behind by glaciers, thousands of years ago. The
beams and supports were cut from ancient local forests.
He starts walking around the room, pointing at things.
The plaster walls were made from crushed clam shells and
horsehair. Bricks were imported from Holland.
Okay, got it. Are we done? No.
That dusty chandelier, brought over from France, gleamed
with hypnotic brilliance. That faded wallpaper was especially
designed by a Belgian artist.
All right, enough. Dude. Shes not going to buy the house. Let it go.
He actually keeps going, nattering on about cornices and parquet
floors. I thought Vicki said that nothing lasts forever, but you
couldve fooled me.
Barnabas opens the door, and we can see the mist from the dry ice
machine, blowing fiercely past the house. What the hell is supposed to
be going on out there?
Vicki wraps up the historical lecture by saying that theres one
difference between this house and the pyramids the pyramids were
designed to be a tomb.
Youre right, Barnabas says, looking wistful. This house was not
_designed_ to be a tomb.
So its kind of a relief when we cut back to Collinwood. Elizabeths
brother Roger is back from a business trip to Boston, and its always
good times when Rogers around, especially when hes in a chatty mood.
Roger grabs some sherry, and Carolyn catches him up on what hes
missed, especially the Jason/Liz situation.
All right, kitten, Roger drawls. Ill get out my score pad, and you
can catch me up on the number of guests we have ensconced here.
You see? Thats how Roger talks. We like Roger.
They settle on the couch.
Carolyn: Well, Jason is still here
Roger: Check.
Carolyn: But Willie Loomis has gone.
Roger: Oh, bra-vo! You cant keep the jet set down, can you?
Did he accept an invitation from the Prince and Princess of
Monaco, or could he simply not stand another one of Mrs.
Johnsons famous boiled dinners?
So there you go. Surprisingly, Roger gets married twice in the series.
The second time, we know for sure that hes being hypnotized by a witch
into thinking that hes in love with her. Its not clear if that was
the case with his first marriage, but look at how hes sitting on the
couch before you place any bets.
Vicki brings Barnabas back to Collinwood, where he meets Roger and
Carolyn, and completely runs out of steam with his dialogue.
Barnabas: Ive been looking forward to this for a long time.
Carolyn: Have you?
Barnabas: Yes, its reassuring to know that the that theres
still part of the rah the family, still alive. In England,
theyve, uh, no longer exist.
Roger: Oh. Well, Im sorry to hear that.
Yeah, Ill bet you are. You have three more scenes with this dude and
its not going to get much better from here.
Rogers thrown off a little, so he trips over his own line: Yes, were
very much in existence here. Were very much alive here.
Barnabas replies, Its that aliveness that interests me.
So. Huh. What?
At this point, the script starts to run out of steam too. Vicki and
Carolyn stand around in the foyer, with Vicki giving a detailed
description of the scene that she had with Barnabas at the beginning of
the episode. Then Roger and Barnabas have another long scene in the
library, where they talk about fish, sherry and Barnabas ring.
But theres one important thing about the library scene we get our
first look at the Ralston-Purina lamp.
One of the odd sports for Dark Shadows fans is looking for props that
get recycled through several sets, even appearing in different rooms in
the same house. This lamp is easy to spot, because its got a
checkerboard pattern that looks like the Ralston-Purina logo. Theres
also a multi-colored afghan, and a decorative box that shows up all
over the house, which is called the Petofi box for reasons that wont
be clear until late 1969.
Barnabas finally leaves, and everyone stands around talking about the
portrait. Then a slow fade from the portrait to Barnabas, whos
standing stock still in the woods for no reason. The camera pulls back.
A dog howls. This is an incredibly strange way to end a soap opera
episode.
Okay, Dark Shadows is saying. We have a vampire. Now what do we do
with him?
Monday: Wheres Willie?
More Dark Shadows bloopers to watch out for:
In the Old House, just as Barnabas brings up the pyramids, something
offscreen (probably a boom mic) knocks into one of the dusty
chandeliers. You can see it wobbling back and forth over Barnabas
shoulder.
In the library, Barnabas gives Roger the wrong cue:
Roger: Shall we drink to your visit?
Barnabas: Id rather drink to eternal health.
Roger: Eternal health? Eternal _life_?
Barnabas: to the Collins family.
Roger: Well, thats rather a long time, but Ill drink to it.
When Roger admires the big black ring, Barnabas says, Joshua Collins
took great pride in his jewelry. He means Barnabas Collins. Its a
pretty good trick, to forget your own characters name in the middle of
a scene. Lets see if he can top that.
Behind the Scenes:
Louis Edmonds, who plays Roger, was a well-known New York stage actor
whose biggest hit was the 1960 off-Broadway production Ernest in Love,
a musical based on Oscar Wildes The Importance of Being Ernest.
Edmonds had many TV credits, beginning with a Studio One in Hollywood
episode in 1950, but Dark Shadows was his first continuing role on a TV
show.
Champion prop-spotter and friend of the blog Prisoner of the Night
reports: While you were in the Collinwood study marveling at the
Ralston-Purina lamp, I was over by the window in the corner admiring
the barometer hanging there. Its a leftover from Rogers office at the
cannery, which could be seen hanging in the corner beside the door at
stage left. Since Roger no longer goes to his office at this point, or
at least is no longer seen there, he must have taken it home and
thought it would look more decorative in the study. Of course, why they
would need a barometer at Collinwood is beyond me its only going to
rain and storm anyway. In fact, theres no need for anyone in
Collinsport to have a barometer. The howling dogs will be enough to
indicate when the real storm is about to hit.
Vicki comes to the Old House looking for David; its after dark and
hes probably run straight to the haunted house. Someone comes down the
stairs, and shes relieved when she sees that its Barnabas she
thought it might be someone _dangerous_.
After an awkward silence, Barnabas gestures upstairs, and says, I was
revisiting my ancestral past. Naturally, Vicki doesnt say anything.
How do you respond when someone tells you that hes revisiting his
ancestral past?
Now, Ive mentioned before that Jonathan Frid was notorious for
forgetting his lines and this was on Dark Shadows, where he had a lot
of competition in that area. Frid was used to memorizing long speeches
this is a guy whos played Macbeth and Richard III. But now hes
learning three half-hour scripts a week, and the writers, with a burst
of optimism, have written Barnabas as a haunted soul, with endless
monologues about history and eternal life.
It doesnt go that well. This is the episode where you start to see
why.
Vicki is impressed by how much Barnabas knows about the Old House, even
though hes never been here before. This house must have been beautiful
once, but now its all falling apart.
He smiles cryptically, and says, Itll be a long time before this
house falls apart. It was made to last forever. Vicki says that
nothing lasts forever, but Barnabas reminds her of the pyramids of
Egypt. They start splitting hairs about the difference between
forever and indefinitely.
Theyre talking about more than just architecture. But not much more.
Once Barnabas gets rolling, you cant stop him. Here we go.
The design and construction of this house represented a
marriage of the elegance of Europe, and the vigor and
enterprise of a new world. The foundations were made from
rocks left behind by glaciers, thousands of years ago. The
beams and supports were cut from ancient local forests.
He starts walking around the room, pointing at things.
The plaster walls were made from crushed clam shells and
horsehair. Bricks were imported from Holland.
Okay, got it. Are we done? No.
That dusty chandelier, brought over from France, gleamed
with hypnotic brilliance. That faded wallpaper was especially
designed by a Belgian artist.
All right, enough. Dude. Shes not going to buy the house. Let it go.
He actually keeps going, nattering on about cornices and parquet
floors. I thought Vicki said that nothing lasts forever, but you
couldve fooled me.
Barnabas opens the door, and we can see the mist from the dry ice
machine, blowing fiercely past the house. What the hell is supposed to
be going on out there?
Vicki wraps up the historical lecture by saying that theres one
difference between this house and the pyramids the pyramids were
designed to be a tomb.
Youre right, Barnabas says, looking wistful. This house was not
_designed_ to be a tomb.
So its kind of a relief when we cut back to Collinwood. Elizabeths
brother Roger is back from a business trip to Boston, and its always
good times when Rogers around, especially when hes in a chatty mood.
Roger grabs some sherry, and Carolyn catches him up on what hes
missed, especially the Jason/Liz situation.
All right, kitten, Roger drawls. Ill get out my score pad, and you
can catch me up on the number of guests we have ensconced here.
You see? Thats how Roger talks. We like Roger.
They settle on the couch.
Carolyn: Well, Jason is still here
Roger: Check.
Carolyn: But Willie Loomis has gone.
Roger: Oh, bra-vo! You cant keep the jet set down, can you?
Did he accept an invitation from the Prince and Princess of
Monaco, or could he simply not stand another one of Mrs.
Johnsons famous boiled dinners?
So there you go. Surprisingly, Roger gets married twice in the series.
The second time, we know for sure that hes being hypnotized by a witch
into thinking that hes in love with her. Its not clear if that was
the case with his first marriage, but look at how hes sitting on the
couch before you place any bets.
Vicki brings Barnabas back to Collinwood, where he meets Roger and
Carolyn, and completely runs out of steam with his dialogue.
Barnabas: Ive been looking forward to this for a long time.
Carolyn: Have you?
Barnabas: Yes, its reassuring to know that the that theres
still part of the rah the family, still alive. In England,
theyve, uh, no longer exist.
Roger: Oh. Well, Im sorry to hear that.
Yeah, Ill bet you are. You have three more scenes with this dude and
its not going to get much better from here.
Rogers thrown off a little, so he trips over his own line: Yes, were
very much in existence here. Were very much alive here.
Barnabas replies, Its that aliveness that interests me.
So. Huh. What?
At this point, the script starts to run out of steam too. Vicki and
Carolyn stand around in the foyer, with Vicki giving a detailed
description of the scene that she had with Barnabas at the beginning of
the episode. Then Roger and Barnabas have another long scene in the
library, where they talk about fish, sherry and Barnabas ring.
But theres one important thing about the library scene we get our
first look at the Ralston-Purina lamp.
One of the odd sports for Dark Shadows fans is looking for props that
get recycled through several sets, even appearing in different rooms in
the same house. This lamp is easy to spot, because its got a
checkerboard pattern that looks like the Ralston-Purina logo. Theres
also a multi-colored afghan, and a decorative box that shows up all
over the house, which is called the Petofi box for reasons that wont
be clear until late 1969.
Barnabas finally leaves, and everyone stands around talking about the
portrait. Then a slow fade from the portrait to Barnabas, whos
standing stock still in the woods for no reason. The camera pulls back.
A dog howls. This is an incredibly strange way to end a soap opera
episode.
Okay, Dark Shadows is saying. We have a vampire. Now what do we do
with him?
Monday: Wheres Willie?
More Dark Shadows bloopers to watch out for:
In the Old House, just as Barnabas brings up the pyramids, something
offscreen (probably a boom mic) knocks into one of the dusty
chandeliers. You can see it wobbling back and forth over Barnabas
shoulder.
In the library, Barnabas gives Roger the wrong cue:
Roger: Shall we drink to your visit?
Barnabas: Id rather drink to eternal health.
Roger: Eternal health? Eternal _life_?
Barnabas: to the Collins family.
Roger: Well, thats rather a long time, but Ill drink to it.
When Roger admires the big black ring, Barnabas says, Joshua Collins
took great pride in his jewelry. He means Barnabas Collins. Its a
pretty good trick, to forget your own characters name in the middle of
a scene. Lets see if he can top that.
Behind the Scenes:
Louis Edmonds, who plays Roger, was a well-known New York stage actor
whose biggest hit was the 1960 off-Broadway production Ernest in Love,
a musical based on Oscar Wildes The Importance of Being Ernest.
Edmonds had many TV credits, beginning with a Studio One in Hollywood
episode in 1950, but Dark Shadows was his first continuing role on a TV
show.
Champion prop-spotter and friend of the blog Prisoner of the Night
reports: While you were in the Collinwood study marveling at the
Ralston-Purina lamp, I was over by the window in the corner admiring
the barometer hanging there. Its a leftover from Rogers office at the
cannery, which could be seen hanging in the corner beside the door at
stage left. Since Roger no longer goes to his office at this point, or
at least is no longer seen there, he must have taken it home and
thought it would look more decorative in the study. Of course, why they
would need a barometer at Collinwood is beyond me its only going to
rain and storm anyway. In fact, theres no need for anyone in
Collinsport to have a barometer. The howling dogs will be enough to
indicate when the real storm is about to hit.
--
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